Writing My Story

It’s getting close to 2 am, and my mind is racing. This is the first of sleepless nights since I have returned, but I know it won’t be the last. It’s been almost a week since I have returned back to the States, and finally it is all hitting me.

 

While it was only 10 days in Africa this time, it was ten of the most encouraging, refocusing days I have had in a couple months. God knew I needed that trip more than even I did. And while now I have a heavy heart because of doors God opened and closed while away, I couldn’t be more thankful for the opportunity to walk through so many doors thus far in life.

I guess if there is one thing that I started to learn in these past couple months, it’s that God is writing my story, not me. And I look back over my blog posts and stay up late reading other people’s “God stories,” and I have come to the conclusion that as long as we run recklessly after the God of the Universe, He will redefine words that once were bitter to our lips. He will write a better story than we could ever plan out ourselves. And He will take care of all the details, as long as we just LET GO and HOLD ON.

And I know, I know…. I can be the most controlling person ever, so I get it. I used to block schedule every hour of my time and have to-do lists covering my desks and room. I’ve had every little detail of my wedding planned out since I was like 7, and I had this picture perfect plan of how my life would go. But by letting my need for control go. By throwing my hands out in surrender saying “I give in. I can’t do this on my own,” I seem to experience some of the greatest mountains and valleys.

I guess one of my favorite stories of this past trip to Africa is the stories of 3 ladies that really impacted me a lot. By far one of my favorite moments (next to seeing giraffes and zebras!!!!) was getting to have coffee with all 3 of them. And maybe to them it was just a normal get together, but for me, I knew how much wisdom and love and God’s faithfulness was placed in that circle as we talked. Just the fact that we all were there together and our stories ended up all connecting was a total GOD thing! So I still get chills when I think about how the people who took me to the airport ended up meeting their now “school coordinator” because I had to drop off supplies to make LovethruShoes bracelets to this lady. And then coming back months later, and seeing how God had this super perfect plan for all of us to end up sitting in a circle under a beautiful African tree having cappuccino and rusks and discussing life and love and Christ and passions.

And it’s not just the mountains that I am starting to see His goodness and blessings. I was recently reading a book that took me a good 3 months to finish as I kept putting it down in frustration. I hated the words on those pages because I knew how true they were. I started to see that sometimes it takes shattering of dreams in our valleys in order to prepare our heart for a mountain we have never even dreamt possible. And that the greatest thing about valleys are we get to see God shine through like never before. Because it was in the days the pain in my body was too much to bare that I saw God’s strength like never before. It was in the nights I couldn’t get along with anyone because I was running from what God was asking of me, that I saw God’s patience and persistence like never before. And it was in the second I boarded that plane back to Africa that His faithfulness shone through like never before.

So I am back in America until God’s story has a new destination for me. But for now, I will be thankful for the Starbucks and nice, clean grocery stores and my car and ChickfilA and good health care and friends and family in the States. Trying to soak it all in, even at 2 am :)

Dogs, Coffee, and Plans

These past couple days I have started to truly take in everything America has to offer. I figured I better start being thankful and enjoying the little things I can do in America, since for about 5 months, it’ll all be gone. I started enjoying the long car rides by myself (and the ones with 4 kids in the car), the opportunity to take a nap, the food, water at my fingertips, showers, country music, etc.

So I completely believe God has a sense of humor, and apparently He is trying to help me with this whole saying goodbye thing because I will definitely not be sad to leave dogs behind. After pet sitting for 5 dogs for a week, I start to look forward to the 5 months without dogs as pets, not to mention God totally makes me laugh or tests my patience with these dogs every day! From the first day of a dog running away, to the second day of a garage door breaking to falling onto a gate, cutting myself, and landing flat in the middle of dog poo. I mean I literally couldn’t help but laugh.

But that’s just it. Not only does God have a sense of humor, because He totally knows how stressed I am with everything, but He also has the most perfect time frame. Today I sat in a meeting expecting to completely surprise the person who had planned my 10 day trip to Zambia, and for him to tell me it wasn’t possible to stay in the country for 5 months because my visa would expire. And instead he didn’t seem surprised at all. In fact, he acted like he knew this was coming. And we have been on countless phone calls since that meeting getting all the details worked out. Can I just mention that it is 9 days before I leave and we are just now figuring out the details?! But the cool thing is watching everything fall into place. Like God just told me to “sit back and watch my time line all fall into place.”

And that’s when I realized that the hardest part is completely letting go of ourselves. Once we promise to do ANYTHING for His Kingdom, the only thing we have to do is take the steps through the doors He opens. Of course following Christ is difficult in a fallen world, I mean we are fighting a war after all! I mean that literally just occurred to me this week, that we are fighting a war! And I am over here worrying about what I look like or what I will eat for dinner…

My dad and I were talking this week over coffee and we came up with the conclusion that it’s not hard to say we should follow Christ and do the right thing, but it’s hard to do it. It’s not hard for me to say I’m going to Zambia for 5 months and booking my plane ticket, it’s hard to get on that plane in 9 days. It’s not hard to decide what is morally right and wrong, it’s hard to do the right thing.

So these are just my ramblings going through my head about how awesome my God is and how beautiful His time frame and plan is. While goodbyes will be hard this weekend and next week, I can’t wait to start this adventure of making new relationships, showing God’s love, and being around some of the most joyful and loving people in the world!

Africa bound in 9 days :)

Holding On

My hands are shaking, my mind is racing, my body is aching.

I am scared.

I am stressed.

I am worried.

I leave for only God knows how long to go half way across the world where my heart lies, where I feel Christ the most, where I see need and want to help, where 5000 shoes are waiting to be life changing agents, where my new family awaits, and where God is calling me.

And I am sitting here freaking out. My to-do list is 500 things long, my worries are raging, and I am overly exhausted.

I thought following God’s plan and will for my life would be easy. You know, my heart’s desire would be fulfilled, so I would be ecstatic. And while I am so excited to go there, it’s still hard. It’s hard to know I am leaving my family for only He knows how long. That I am withdrawing from college simply because He asked me to. That I am stepping out in the biggest act of faith I have ever taken, and not knowing what step is coming next. Not even knowing what I will do once I get there.

The only thing I know is that God is telling me so loudly I can’t ignore and I finally get to hear those words “DROP EVERYTHING AND GO!” He finally is answering my prayer of “whenever, wherever, however.” And taking me up on the promise that I will do ANYTHING for His Kingdom.

But yet I am still shaking in my boots, more afraid then I have ever been in my life, and clinging onto my Savior knowing He is the only one who has got a firm grip on me. He isn’t going to let me go and He has a perfect plan that I simply need to take a step at a time.

Being someone with everything planned out in my life from what I will do tomorrow to what my wedding will be like to what I will do when I am 50 years old, this is scary. God is asking me to completely let go of all my controlling ways and let Him take over. Truly Trust Him! And every day, He asks me to do something different. It really is a step at a time with this. From handing over the state side of LovethruShoes to mending relationships before I leave to forgiving someone from my childhood to withdrawing from school, God is daily telling me what He wants me to do. And it is completely amazing but incredibly SCARY. I am scared to not know what will happen tomorrow. To get on a plane not knowing when I will see my family again. To tell people about what God has asked me to do for a fear of criticism. To make plans that I don’t even understand why I am making. To truly forgive and let go of my want for control simply because He is asking me.

I’m exhausted. I’m scared. I’m stressed. I’m worried.

But God is not. He knows what He’s doing. He has it all planned out. He is simply asking me to take hold of Him and He will promise a “walking on water experience.” He will do incredible things through and around me if I simply LET GO.

So I am clinging to Him while letting go of everything else.

My Story

You know when you get back from a really awesome trip to a different country and people are asking you to tell them your stories? And by the third person you are tired of telling the same stories and feel like you have been talking about the same thing every time you see someone.  

Well my story with LovethruShoes and Africa has kind of become the same way. To me the story seems normal. Like a boring, typical day in my life. But today I realized how impactful that story can be.

To me, the story of why I started LovethruShoes is just a part of my life. I would much rather tell someone all the amazing ways I see God through LovethruShoes. I would rather tell them all the times God provided and showed how wonderful He is. But I guess I found it hard to believe that God can do that through my story. That through the story of why I started LovethruShoes and the life changing events that happened, His Greatness will be known. To me, I constantly see my faults, and when I look at other people I see their strengths. So when thinking about God using my story to show how great He is just doesn’t seem to do Him justice.

I realized that the reason God placed everything that happened that summer and after in my life is to make His greatness known through me. And that was one of the most eye opening things I have ever learned.

Today I got to work with some awesome people, and one group of people in particular really touched my heart. There was a group of special needs adults that came with some leaders and helped us sort shoes. They were seriously some of the best workers we had! The leader of that group was one of the sweetest ladies ever, and while I was helping record some shoes, another leader from the group started talking to me about LovethruShoes and how it all began. So then I went to sit with them on our lunch break, and she asked me to tell the story to the whole table. I then proceeded to relive those moments as I was saying them and I realized how incredible that summer was, but more so than that, how incredible the doors God has opened have been to see. And how by completely trusting Him, I have learned and seen more than I ever thought I would as a 19 year old.

Later as they went to leave, she handed me a wad of money and said, “you know God told me to get this money this week, but I didn’t know what it was for. But today I knew.” God literally always provides exactly what is needed.

So today not only was I reminded that I don’t need to stress or worry, because God’s got it all under control, but I was also reminded that by letting go and trusting Him, He can use someone like me and my story to literally change people’s hearts and lives.

Dwelling on His Awesomeness,

Liz

Monday Madness

This morning I walked into a house with kids running around scrambling to get ready for soccer camp, construction going on downstairs, cleaning ladies working, another child sleeping upstairs, and a mom trying to leave for work while explain to me everything that is going on. And then I understood the phrase... Monday Madness. (not to mention I was wide awake by the time everyone got out the door)

My summer job is quite the change in lifestyle. While in college I was mainly focused on myself, this summer I am a nanny for 3 incredible kids and my life is now focused on them. It's a big change, but it is so worth it :) The "organized chaos" that normally takes place every day constantly reminds me of the peace and comfort I find in Christ during my chaotic life.

So this morning once everything settled down a bit, I started thinking about how amazing it is that in my chaotic life and "gypsy living" this summer, I find peace in the presence of my Savior. I find comfort in His arms. And even when I start to feel homesick or exhausted, He picks me up and shows me His love. And it's in the moments where I am overwhelmed and exhuasted that I see and feel God the most.

I'm extremely blessed with so much in my life, but the moment I start focusing on the mess in my life and take my mind of the blessings is the moment I forget how blessed I am.

So it might be an early Monday morning, but I am ready for the crazy week! And I am more than ready to see God at work in every small detail and moment.

Leaning on Him,

Liz

Looking Back...

As my first year of being here at Lee comes to an end and the memories start to flow with some tears and some laughter, I start to look back on this first year here. The things I have learned, the people I have met, the classes I have attended, the work shifts I have had, and the decisions I have made. I start to remember the first impressions I had of people and how untrue they turned out to be, the first of our hall dinners, and the beginning of friendships that now have turned into family. I remember the ice cream dates I have every week, the thousands of Wal-Mart runs, the boys I’ve met (some creepy, some not so nice, and some still pretty awesome), and the endless late night talks, all-nighters, and study sessions that turned into a laugh fest with my best friends. I remember the weekend trips, the endless work shifts, and the birthday weekend. The inside jokes, the peer leaders in Gateway, and “that night.” And in all these things I start to see how much I have learned in simply a year. Now I hate sentimental stuff and I guess this is what this kinda is, but I couldn’t help but look back and see how much I have grown in simply a year.

So here it is, things I have learned since my first day here at Lee:

1) Contrary to what I first believed, sleep is absolutely necessary in order to live. I may have thought I could stay up a week without sleep, but I eventually crashed and IT WAS BAD.

2) Some people come into your life as lessons and others come to help you walk through those lessons. But EVERYONE has a purpose.

3) It’s okay not to have it together all the time.

4) Roommates really can make or break a day. I’ve been on both sides of this and I can honestly say it is true.

5) It won’t kill me to miss a class or sleep in or simply take a break. Breaks are needed.

6) Coffee is my best friend. Caffeine can do wonders. (Especially on a weekend when you got 2 hours of sleep total and have a 10 hour work shift ahead of you and plans the same night.)

7) Prayer time is extremely important for my day. Taking 30 minutes to go spend time with God in the prayer room will always lift my spirits.

8) No matter what happens, my family is always there for me. My siblings will always try to take care of me and my parents will always love me. They are my family, through thick and thin.

9) Making room for new people in your life can sometimes be hard, but it’s all about how you view the situation. The moment you start viewing them as blessings, the moment you will realize how blessed you are to have them in your life.

10) My friends are seriously the best. Without the friends and support group I made this past year, I would not have been able to get through SO much. From ice cream runs to random adventures, I can always count on them to be there.

11) No matter how many times I mess up, God will be there to forgive me and show me His love.

12) Chick-fil-A has become my home away from home. I seriously could not have made it through this year without my Chick-fil-A family.

13) Sometimes you just have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation in order to learn and grow.

14) And sometimes you just gotta LET GO!

15) When life seems overwhelming, God simply asks us to stop trying to control it and watch Him do wonders.

16) It’s almost impossible to successfully make a top bunk, and when you do it’s 30 minutes later and you feel like you’ve ran a marathon.

17) Papers are best written after midnight.

18) My RA is literally the best! From being our “Momma Marissa” to staying up to talk with me until 2 am, I don’t know what I would do without having such an amazing RA who has a heart and passion so similar to mine!

19) When my car doesn’t start for the third time this year, I shouldn’t call and freak out to my dad because he will drive up here, and it will only be because the steering wheel is locked…

20) You learn who your true friends are by seeing how much distance really doesn’t matter. If you truly care and love someone, the miles apart won’t make any difference.

21) Be careful who you trust, and what you trust them with.

22) Despite what professors say, it is in fact possible to write an amazing research paper the day before it’s due. It will just take you literally the whole day.

23) My hall became my family. This year I got 20 sisters who will tell me when I have messed up, watch out for me, and make sure I’m okay.

24) And most importantly, I’ve learned that God placed me here for a reason.

So that’s it. That’s just 24 of the things I have learned this year, and I cannot wait to see what God has planned for me next. While goodbyes will be hard this weekend, I couldn’t be more thankful for being able to live with such amazing sisters and experiencing life with the greatest people ever.

His Love

Lately I have been thinking about how God speaks specifically to me. And these past couple of days I have heard and seen God so much, because I started to see Him through everything. The small and the big things.

I first noticed that God uses LovethruShoes to show me His love. Ironic I guess, but also simply amazing to me. He knows where my heart and passion lie. He knows how much I struggle with control and wanting everything to be perfect, but the moment I broke down and said, “Lord I am not perfect. I am struggling so much, and I literally cannot and do not want to do this anymore,” was the moment I began to see how great He is! It was right after that day, I received a phone call about starting a huge shoe drive, and a couple days after that I received emails and phone calls that made everything with LovethruShoes fall into place. And a couple days ago we found out the shoes have entered Zambia. So here I am clearly seeing how incredible God is through something He is doing through and around me. That completely blows my mind, but also it is so encouraging to know God loves ME that much to speak to me in ways that I will listen and that I will learn best.

The other way God speaks to me and shows me His love is through people. This week I cannot even explain how extremely thankful I am for my best friends, my family, and my sisters on my hall. From the people that just came into my life to people that have been there since birth, God constantly shows me how much He truly cares. It’s in the moments my best friend looks through my smile and "fine" attitude and sees the truth. It’s the phone calls from my brother asking me about life and relationships. It’s the conversations with my sister about Africa and our futures. It’s the love and strength I see in my dad every time I hang out with him. It’s the comfort from my mom and grandma. It’s the random questions about my view on certain things I receive from my best friend miles and miles away. It’s the jokes and laughter me and my roommate share. It’s the joy and love I see through my brother’s girlfriend. It’s the tears and ice cream dates I go on. It’s the professors and staff that say things I needed to hear right then.  In all these people, I see God. I feel God and I experience His love for me.

This past week three main things made me see and feel God at the deepest. The first was when I began to tell my roommate my story and the next morning she sends me a message that I saw God so much through. I have always been so afraid to tell my story, but in those moments after I do tell someone, I see God show up. I hear His voice through those people. I hear the strength that imperfection brings and the amount of love that God has shown me. And then this past weekend I got to see God at work with LovethruShoes. 2,000 shoes and 200 dollars later, I looked in awe at the creator who is using someone like me to help people around the world. And then yesterday God showed me His love through my best friend. From looking me in the face and saying “you’re not fine” to taking me to get ice cream (because let’s face it… Ice cream solves everything :)). She’s there through it all. She sees the struggles I personally have, the incredible things God has done through my life, and the stress and anxiety that is constantly placed in my life. And it’s days like those that I truly saw the love of God through people in my life.

So to put it simply, I am beyond thankful for the intimate ways God chooses to speak to me specifically. It makes me realize that I am His princess and daughter, and it’s in those ways I feel and see His love for me.

Taking it all in,

Liz