Soul Tired

There’s this quote I saw a few days ago that said “sleep doesn’t help if it’s your soul that is tired.” That’s where I have been living this past week. From a tired soul.  And no matter how much sleep I get or how many cups of coffee I drink, it doesn’t change. It’s not my schedule or my time commitments that are making me tired, because quite honestly my calendar looks pretty boring a week in advance.

It’s my heart that is exhausted.

And I knew walking into this season of “becoming” would be hard. I knew healing and freedom were not things that came lightly or without struggle. I knew this, and I weighed this, and yet I still decided to walk forward. Because I believe freedom is worth it. (And I was a little fed up with living out of fear)

This past week, I have been reminded how important it is to take care of my heart. To live out of the overflow means you have to be fueled yourself first. You can’t give what you don’t have. And so as I started to relook at these past few months and knowing that this season is almost over, I came up with a list of things I wanted to remind myself when I have a tired soul:

1) Taking time to do things that speaks to your heart is soooo important. A few months ago I came up with this idea of #soulcaresaturday. I literally just created this intentional space in my life to rejuvenate and refocus where I was. Every soul care Saturday looks so different. Some are spent completely by myself in the Word or in prayer. And others are spent with friends who breathe Jesus into me. Every week I walk away from these days and feel so ready to walk into what the next week holds.

2) Speaking truth against the lies. You speak truth enough and you shift your gaze off of the lies and onto the One who is Always True. Speaking life brings life.

3) Spending time in the Word is obviously refueling. But being rooted and living from HIS Word is life giving.

4) People keep telling me that this is a lot to carry. And I look at them and think “I mean I guess.” But this week I let myself realize it is hard. It is painful. Because constantly sitting in hurts/pains and taking the arrows that fly at you plus pouring out into people at the same time, well that is a lot. But the good thing is I don’t have to carry this, because HE does. HE carries all these hard things, I just have to lay them down.

5) Let them tears fall. I used to think crying was weakness. But really crying is strength. Crying is letting go. Crying is saying “I can’t and I don’t want to do this alone.”

6) Having people around me. Like literally the greatest community. HE pours love and joy into my soul through them. It’s amazing to be a part of.

The truth is, I have seen people this week in the same position. They are walking around with a tired soul. These people are strong. They are brave. They have courage. And they will keep going, because they know how important this fight is.

But until we put our perspective where it belongs and care for our souls, we can’t keep fighting.

Chosen and Changed

It’s been seven months since I left Africa. That seems absolutely crazy to me. It still seems like yesterday that I was surprising everyone at one home and saying “see you in a few months” to everyone at my other home. It seems crazy that these past few months my life has continually changed, leaving barely any room for comfort or normalcy. And for that I am incredibly thankful, because this season is probably one of the most important I have gone through thus far.

So many have asked me questions I can’t answer. Especially friends and family I love dearly halfway across the world. It isn’t that I don’t want to share the answers, but rather I have been asking God the exact same questions. But this past year has been a journey of JUMPING then BECOMING.

I have had walls completely torn down. I have battled some tough battles against fear and anxiety. I have daily struggled to keep faith in the promises HE made while in Africa. I have had my perspective flipped upside down and inside out. I have had so many words redefined I could actually write a dictionary now. I have asked questions upon questions and only seem to get more questions in return. I have made the wrong decisions and the right ones, having people I love question both. I have jumped into the unknown and ran from the unexpected.

But enough about me. I want to tell you about the Greatest Travel Buddy through all of this. Because let me tell you, HE has been so patient and persistent. HE has sent communities, but not just any community, the most perfect for the season I’m in. HE has sent friends over coffee pointing back to the truth when I seem to get off track. HE has sent safe havens to REST through families, coffee shops, or homes. HE has literally flown someone halfway across the world because I needed to hear something from the exact person who said it. HE has used a six year old in Africa to call me on a day I needed to know HIS love so much. HE has opened doors, closed doors, and reminded me of HIS faithfulness.

Guys, HE doesn’t have to do any of that. Like seriously HE is the King of Kings, and yet HE still cares immensely about my heart and where I am and where I am going. That thought literally amazes me. That yes this journey of “becoming” has been incredibly painful, but it has been so far one of the most beautiful times in my life to get to be able to know HIM on a deeper level.

To truly understand that we are a CHOSEN daughter (or son) of the King of Kings. That we BELONG to HIM. That HE delights when we run to HIM. That we have an ADVOCATE on our behalf. Let me just tell you, that one blows my mind, and makes my orphan aching heart feel so much more loved.

Part of me craves normalcy, steadiness, and a safe haven. I’m learning that can all be found in HIM. Because the part of me that craves adventure, radical love, and crazy God moments is how HE made me.

 

Completely Soaking in His Love,

Elizabeth