It’s getting close to 2 am, and my mind is racing. This is
the first of sleepless nights since I have returned, but I know it won’t be the
last. It’s been almost a week since I have returned back to the States, and
finally it is all hitting me.
While it was only 10 days in Africa this time, it was ten of
the most encouraging, refocusing days I have had in a couple months. God knew I
needed that trip more than even I did. And while now I have a heavy heart
because of doors God opened and closed while away, I couldn’t be more thankful
for the opportunity to walk through so many doors thus far in life.
I guess if there is one thing that I started to learn in
these past couple months, it’s that God is writing my story, not me. And I look
back over my blog posts and stay up late reading other people’s “God stories,” and
I have come to the conclusion that as long as we run recklessly after the God
of the Universe, He will redefine words that once were bitter to our lips. He
will write a better story than we could ever plan out ourselves. And He will
take care of all the details, as long as we just LET GO and HOLD ON.
And I know, I know…. I can be the most controlling person
ever, so I get it. I used to block schedule every hour of my time and have
to-do lists covering my desks and room. I’ve had every little detail of my
wedding planned out since I was like 7, and I had this picture perfect plan of
how my life would go. But by letting my need for control go. By throwing my
hands out in surrender saying “I give in. I can’t do this on my own,” I seem to
experience some of the greatest mountains and valleys.
I guess one of my favorite stories of this past trip to
Africa is the stories of 3 ladies that really impacted me a lot. By far one of
my favorite moments (next to seeing giraffes and zebras!!!!) was getting to
have coffee with all 3 of them. And maybe to them it was just a normal get
together, but for me, I knew how much wisdom and love and God’s faithfulness was
placed in that circle as we talked. Just the fact that we all were there
together and our stories ended up all connecting was a total GOD thing! So I
still get chills when I think about how the people who took me to the airport
ended up meeting their now “school coordinator” because I had to drop off supplies
to make LovethruShoes bracelets to this lady. And then coming back months
later, and seeing how God had this super perfect plan for all of us to end up
sitting in a circle under a beautiful African tree having cappuccino and rusks
and discussing life and love and Christ and passions.
And it’s not just the mountains that I am starting to see His
goodness and blessings. I was recently reading a book that took me a good 3
months to finish as I kept putting it down in frustration. I hated the words on
those pages because I knew how true they were. I started to see that sometimes
it takes shattering of dreams in our valleys in order to prepare our heart for
a mountain we have never even dreamt possible. And that the greatest thing
about valleys are we get to see God shine through like never before. Because it
was in the days the pain in my body was too much to bare that I saw God’s
strength like never before. It was in the nights I couldn’t get along with
anyone because I was running from what God was asking of me, that I saw God’s
patience and persistence like never before. And it was in the second I boarded
that plane back to Africa that His faithfulness shone through like never
before.
So I am back in America until God’s story has a new
destination for me. But for now, I will be thankful for the Starbucks and nice,
clean grocery stores and my car and ChickfilA and good health care and friends
and family in the States. Trying to soak it all in, even at 2 am :)
