Soul Tired

There’s this quote I saw a few days ago that said “sleep doesn’t help if it’s your soul that is tired.” That’s where I have been living this past week. From a tired soul.  And no matter how much sleep I get or how many cups of coffee I drink, it doesn’t change. It’s not my schedule or my time commitments that are making me tired, because quite honestly my calendar looks pretty boring a week in advance.

It’s my heart that is exhausted.

And I knew walking into this season of “becoming” would be hard. I knew healing and freedom were not things that came lightly or without struggle. I knew this, and I weighed this, and yet I still decided to walk forward. Because I believe freedom is worth it. (And I was a little fed up with living out of fear)

This past week, I have been reminded how important it is to take care of my heart. To live out of the overflow means you have to be fueled yourself first. You can’t give what you don’t have. And so as I started to relook at these past few months and knowing that this season is almost over, I came up with a list of things I wanted to remind myself when I have a tired soul:

1) Taking time to do things that speaks to your heart is soooo important. A few months ago I came up with this idea of #soulcaresaturday. I literally just created this intentional space in my life to rejuvenate and refocus where I was. Every soul care Saturday looks so different. Some are spent completely by myself in the Word or in prayer. And others are spent with friends who breathe Jesus into me. Every week I walk away from these days and feel so ready to walk into what the next week holds.

2) Speaking truth against the lies. You speak truth enough and you shift your gaze off of the lies and onto the One who is Always True. Speaking life brings life.

3) Spending time in the Word is obviously refueling. But being rooted and living from HIS Word is life giving.

4) People keep telling me that this is a lot to carry. And I look at them and think “I mean I guess.” But this week I let myself realize it is hard. It is painful. Because constantly sitting in hurts/pains and taking the arrows that fly at you plus pouring out into people at the same time, well that is a lot. But the good thing is I don’t have to carry this, because HE does. HE carries all these hard things, I just have to lay them down.

5) Let them tears fall. I used to think crying was weakness. But really crying is strength. Crying is letting go. Crying is saying “I can’t and I don’t want to do this alone.”

6) Having people around me. Like literally the greatest community. HE pours love and joy into my soul through them. It’s amazing to be a part of.

The truth is, I have seen people this week in the same position. They are walking around with a tired soul. These people are strong. They are brave. They have courage. And they will keep going, because they know how important this fight is.

But until we put our perspective where it belongs and care for our souls, we can’t keep fighting.

Chosen and Changed

It’s been seven months since I left Africa. That seems absolutely crazy to me. It still seems like yesterday that I was surprising everyone at one home and saying “see you in a few months” to everyone at my other home. It seems crazy that these past few months my life has continually changed, leaving barely any room for comfort or normalcy. And for that I am incredibly thankful, because this season is probably one of the most important I have gone through thus far.

So many have asked me questions I can’t answer. Especially friends and family I love dearly halfway across the world. It isn’t that I don’t want to share the answers, but rather I have been asking God the exact same questions. But this past year has been a journey of JUMPING then BECOMING.

I have had walls completely torn down. I have battled some tough battles against fear and anxiety. I have daily struggled to keep faith in the promises HE made while in Africa. I have had my perspective flipped upside down and inside out. I have had so many words redefined I could actually write a dictionary now. I have asked questions upon questions and only seem to get more questions in return. I have made the wrong decisions and the right ones, having people I love question both. I have jumped into the unknown and ran from the unexpected.

But enough about me. I want to tell you about the Greatest Travel Buddy through all of this. Because let me tell you, HE has been so patient and persistent. HE has sent communities, but not just any community, the most perfect for the season I’m in. HE has sent friends over coffee pointing back to the truth when I seem to get off track. HE has sent safe havens to REST through families, coffee shops, or homes. HE has literally flown someone halfway across the world because I needed to hear something from the exact person who said it. HE has used a six year old in Africa to call me on a day I needed to know HIS love so much. HE has opened doors, closed doors, and reminded me of HIS faithfulness.

Guys, HE doesn’t have to do any of that. Like seriously HE is the King of Kings, and yet HE still cares immensely about my heart and where I am and where I am going. That thought literally amazes me. That yes this journey of “becoming” has been incredibly painful, but it has been so far one of the most beautiful times in my life to get to be able to know HIM on a deeper level.

To truly understand that we are a CHOSEN daughter (or son) of the King of Kings. That we BELONG to HIM. That HE delights when we run to HIM. That we have an ADVOCATE on our behalf. Let me just tell you, that one blows my mind, and makes my orphan aching heart feel so much more loved.

Part of me craves normalcy, steadiness, and a safe haven. I’m learning that can all be found in HIM. Because the part of me that craves adventure, radical love, and crazy God moments is how HE made me.

 

Completely Soaking in His Love,

Elizabeth

History in the Making

As I am coming into another season of change, my head has been constantly swarming with thoughts while my heart seems to be continually broken for things that are breaking HIS Heart.

About a week ago, one of my mentors asked me if I had ever thought to be a history maker. I sort of fell silent on the other end of the phone as I thought, “me a history maker? No way.” But it wasn’t a question about changing the world, but rather not accepting my past to be my future. That even though maybe it has been the same way every year for the past ten years of my life, that it does not in fact have to be that way in the future.

This past weekend, I constantly felt this being spoken over and over. That I am needed where God has called me next “for such a time as this.” To be a history maker. To change what others and myself accepted as normal.

And to be completely honest, there is so much change going on around me that I try to look around and grasp what is happening. It seems nearly impossible to even get a grip on one change before a new one comes, changing things yet again. Persistently, HE has been flipping my world upside down as soon as I seem to get comfortable. For the past three years, this has happened on a consecutive basis. Every time I would get comfortable, my world would be flipped.

Tonight I realized that the reason why it has been like this for the past three years is because every single time my world gets flipped, I learn things that I never would have learned if I would’ve stayed where I was. He continually asks me to step out on the water/ go in over my head/ take me deeper than my feet could ever wander (whatever song analogy you prefer) in order to stretch me farther than before and somehow prepare me for what is coming next. 

It seems almost crazy at times the way HE works in my life. I start to question my own sanity when HE asks me to pack my bags and leave for a country in a weekend without a ticket. Or to quit my dream job in the States to move to a third world country. Or the countless of crazy things being laid on my heart right now. Things I do not at all understand myself, but yet I know that somehow HE is using all of it to prepare my heart for what is up ahead.

So tonight I realized that yes I want to be a history maker, because every time I take a leap of faith, I am further stretched and prepared for whatever story HE is writing in and through my life.

Precious Pain

 These next few words came flowing out of my heart tonight, and as long as the words flow I will share because they need to be heard. This isn’t my story, but rather of two girls that have stolen a huge chunk of my heart.

“Kutemwa, Kutemwa. Wake up,” I awoke to in broken English to see a face staring at me while I was sleeping off the exhaustion from the sickness attacking my body. At first I thought something was wrong, but then she points to my journal and asks to draw. That’s how we communicated. Through a mix of broken English and her local language and pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. My journal was filled with pictures that still bring me to tears. I went through 3 pens in 3 weeks, but I didn’t even care. It was worth not being able to write to have my pages filled with the beauty of her drawings.

I get up and sit on the floor to watch her face light up while she is drawing. The joy literally radiates out of her. Her smile and laugh as I tell her she is precious, even if she doesn’t understand what that word means. Since this can go on all day, I decide to get up and walk out to see the rest of my village family outside the hut. First thing I am greeted by is being asked if I need tea or more medicine or something to help me feel better. I smile and wish they could truly realize how much just sitting with them brings so much joy and Light.

A few hours later, I sit on the steps watching a little girlie continuing to draw and laugh at my pictures while watching another girlie cook on an open fire after being in school all day. Her servant heart shines through along with the deep joy and peace with being in this place. His grace is all I can think about while watching them.

Days went by spending time with them, loving on them but being so overwhelmed with love and joy back. Then I had to say goodbye. I knew it wouldn’t be forever, but yet for a time. Weeks passed turning into months. Months turning into two years. I prayed for both of those girlies every night. I heard updates occasionally and how school had gone each semester, but I just wanted to give them a hug. I wanted to see for myself that they were being given the opportunity to accomplish their dreams.

Two years later, my heart shattered for both of them. Situations young girls should never have to be in, these girlies were put in. And because HE is faithful, just a few weeks later, God brought me back to see them. After all the pain and heartache one precious girlie had endured, the joy and laughter shared was simply HIS grace. His joy. And oh my definitely HIS love. But my heart broke after seeing the other precious princess who used to draw me pictures and be filled with so much joy. She was broken, and her smile was gone. I could feel a tiny piece of HIS pain and hurt for HIS daughter. And as I sat there crying and questioning why, I started to understand a bit more.

A few years ago I prayed continually for my heart to be broken for what breaks His. It is only a really tiny part of what breaks His Heart, but yet it overwhelmingly broke mine. And it made me realize as much as we hurt and cry for the people we love, HE hurts and cries that much more. HE is holding them. HE is their Rescuer and Redeemer.

Because sometimes I just need to let pieces out in order to process the whole.

On My Knees

It’s been quite a while since I have been able to formulate words in this season of learning so much about myself, Africa, and the heart of Christ. While most of my journaling has turned into prayers, most of my writing has turned into emails and articles for other ministries. It is a different season. One I wasn’t prepared for or expectant of at all.

And it’s during this season that I constantly find myself on my knees. Sometimes on my knees because I can no longer stand, but lately on my knees because I am circling the promises HE has given me and clinging to His faithfulness.

At first I began to get frustrated because quite frankly it’s been almost six months I have been praying for and expecting these promises to come through. And every time they fall through or fail to happen, I want to give up hope. I want to stop believing that they will happen because it’s easier. It’s less painful.

Then I came across this verse a few weeks ago, and it kept popping up in different places for a week until I finally got the point.

“God will make this happen, for He who calls you is faithful.”- 1 Thes 5:24

And then as HE so often does in my life (because I am hard headed and need things repeated sometimes), I received a book from my mom about praying circles around the promises He has laid on my heart. It seemed like every word of that book was something I needed to hear, but one sentence stood out profoundly:

“Take a step of faith when God gives you a vision because you trust that the One who gave you the vision is going to make provision. And for the record, if the vision is from God, it will most definitely be beyond your means.”

All throughout the book were stories of promises HE had given and how HE had fulfilled those promises in HIS perfect timing. And so I found myself on my knees constantly over and over praying circles around these promises.

So far it’s called for an all-nighter praying for someone I barely know, a breakthrough for someone I’ve been circling in prayer for almost two years now, and some pretty impossible miracles waiting to happen.

It’s still a season. The promises still have not been answered. But the expectant hope I am clinging to is absolutely mind blowing… for once I’m starting to believe it when people keep saying “Liz, I believe something great is up ahead for you.

Persistent Promises

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It's close to 2 am and my mind is racing (but that's nothing new)... Maybe it's the two cups of coffee I drank or possibly the stress over needing to rewrite a document that was lost or maybe, just maybe some words needed to get out and the lack of sleep will be exchanged for the much needed overflow of my heart.

I've discovered that I write because I need to process. Most of the time my writing is a lot like this post is becoming: a jumbled up mess of words. Sometimes I write because I need other people to hear the truth. And sometimes I write because other people need a voice. This post however is neither of those things. This post is the vulnerable truth of what I have been learning lately for anyone who cares to know.

You see when God starts to repeat things through different people and experiences literally coming from all over the world, you start to listen up. These past six months God led me on a journey that definitely took me deeper than my feet could ever wonder, deeper than I ever cared to wander to be completely honest.

I walked into a journey of healing. Healing because I was broken. Into a journey of freedom. Freedom because that's what truth brings. And into a journey of trust. Trust because He has made His promise clear.

Some of you have walked this journey with me, and some have been the people who He spoke through without really knowing it. But honestly I'm not completely sure where this journey is going. I simply wrote this to share the anticipation I'm living with.

Because how could a random box at a conference be related to words from a couple living in Malawi. And how could the words of two unrelated friends in Zambia be the start of a series of lessons I needed to discover. How could a series of messages from a pastor in America be related to what I had been learning in Africa. And how could the passages read through with Him alone be connected to the conversations over coffee that followed. These past few months have been reminder after reminder that He has something beautiful up ahead if only I fall more and more in love with Him each day.

I've learned He patiently and persistently will pursue me without fail until He is ready to uncover His promises and plan for my life.

Because I have no clue what's coming up ahead, I will simply hold His Hand.

One Pair One Heart

With thousands of shoes being connected from America to Africa, it is very difficult to know the story behind every pair of shoes that is given. During these past five months, I have taken five pairs of shoes from specific donors in America and strategically placed them on some amazing inspiring people that I have met here. Below is my attempt to directly connect two donors to the people who received their shoes because it truly is one heart behind every pair.

Here are the stories behind the shoes…
 

 

Tyler is one of my sister’s friends who loves serving other people around the world. He loves kids from all around the world, and loves different languages and cultures. He wore these shoes first while running for his college then later while teaching in both Costa Rica and Uganda.

Tyler meet Mark.

Mark is a leader in the Massai tribe. (I know it’s pretty ridiculously cool!) As I sat and listened to his stories about elephants, lions, and the many cultural shock experiences, I realized the most amazing thing about Mark is his passion for his people. He has overcome a lot from the beginning with his dad having lots of wives creating a huge family. The cultural and ritual ties within the tribe are pretty binding as well. He became a translator between Swahili and Massai language, and through that he met a man who changed his life. Mark wanted to track down the man who had been shining Christ’s light, so through dreams and travels to Kenya to meet the man, he in return met His Savior. Coming back to a tribe where everything is ruled by traditions was hard, but he stayed true to his heart. He met his wife in Kenya, and then spent a few weeks at a sports training where he learned to speak English. His heart is to see a change in his people and through his dedication and passion I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the guy who ends up in the history stories of the Massai’s.

 

Harold is my older brother, and one of the most influential leaders I have met. From West Point baseball leading his team to now heading up a team of military guys climbing Mt Everest to his dream of being a leader in politics one day. He is what you would call crazy, and crazy is what changes the world. A while back my brother proposed to me his desire to go visit the Massai people and help create some political changes to benefit their tribe. In the end things didn’t line up, but Harold’s passion to make a difference hasn’t changed. His servant leadership is what will make impacting thousands of people one day possible.

Harold meet Teresa.

Teresa is my hero. She came to Zambia for sports training and spoke absolutely no English. I was surprised to greet her at the end of the training with a small conversation in English. We were able to hear her story through Mark. Teresa is also from the Massai tribe, and could be the definition of women empowerment. She comes from Mark’s huge family growing up, and is a teacher at the school of his family members (YES they have enough kids within their family to create a school…) Women’s circumcision is a huge traditional hold on the girls in the Massai tribe, and until recently it was completely legal for the girls to be forced into it. Now a law has passed and the girls have the choice. Teresa is leading a camp and mentoring the girls in the tribe to make sure they know they have a choice and to walk with them through the decision. She is empowering these girls with the freedom to choose. Her leadership with the girls in the tribe is simply outstanding, which is why I knew Harold’s shoes should go to her.

These are two of the incredible people the shoes have impacted here. There are hundreds of more stories… some we will never hear. Within the next few months, I will be posting the other three stories behind shoes.