My Heart

My heart is heavy, my mind is constantly going, and my body aches. I’m home sick. Not from my house, or the new apartment, or my family, but from a place I’ve only step-foot in one summer, and people I have never met. It’s strange to me. How my heart and desire for a place I barely know is so incredibly strong. And I wish I could explain it. Every time I try, I feel like I end up with a jumbled mess of words that make no sense, but I thought I would write my jumble mess anyway.

I read a friend’s words this morning that seemed to describe what God has called me to do pretty well. She said, “He created me to travel the world, to have a home in HIM, to have a lap for the orphans, a hand for the widows, a voice for the voiceless, eyes for the blind, and a heart for HIS people.” It’s hard to talk about. I mean the people close to me obviously don’t want me to go miles and miles across the world, and if I could choose I probably would not choose to spend my life away from my family and friends. And I can choose. It is my decision, but God has clearly placed a purpose and passion so strong in my heart I can’t choose anything else.

And it’s scary. I know people will worry. I know being away from my family will be hard. I know what God is calling me to do will be nothing short of difficult. And I know it will be hard on my friends, my family, and people all around me. And I know it will be the scariest thing I have ever done, and taking a leap of faith not knowing where the next step is, is the scariest part. But this week I got to have lunch with an incredible lady, and she told me a little bit of her story, and in it she said, “I completely trusted God. Leaned on Him. And packed my car and started driving to TN. Not knowing where I would work or what I would do.” And a day before she got to Cleveland, she got a phone call that she had got a job here. And she said it was the scariest thing ever, not knowing what I would do, but it was the biggest act of faith and trusting God and it has been one of the best experiences so far.

I know it’s not time yet. People ask me all the time. Why not now? And I can’t explain it, other than I just know. Right now I need to be here, at Lee, in college, working towards what God has called me to do. Preparing my heart, leaning on Him, and learning His lessons DAILY. I need to show His love to people here and develop relationships here before I will be ready for Him to use me there. I believe in His perfect timing, but I can’t say that it makes this any easier. Being here in college is a constant heart ache. I see pictures, I hear of people going there, and I literally feel like I can’t breathe. Like my body is going to collapse. I’ve never been in love, but I heard something the other day that made me think. Someone told me that if God literally showed you all of His love at once, you wouldn’t be able to handle it. It would be so deep and so strong that we couldn’t handle it. And this is just a little piece of His love for me. Sometimes I feel like it envelopes me and covers me, but I know He has purpose for all of this, and I can’t wait to take that scary leap of faith when the time comes to be used for His purpose and to show His love through none other than business. Something that I come alive in and get excited about. In a country where my heart has been ever since I stepped foot on the beautiful ground.

So that’s my heart. The deepest parts. It probably scares and worries a lot of people, but I can’t help but be completely excited to see what God has planned for me, and to live each day here in Cleveland working towards a purpose in the future for His Kingdom and His Glory.

Resting in Patience and His Peace,

Liz